Machismo and Generosity

July 10, 2009

This week I started about five different blog posts, and then erased them after feeling unable to articulate the meaningfulness of the experiences I was attempting to share. Here I’d like to share two characteristics of Tico culture with which I am confronted every day – one negative (Tico machismo) and the other negative (Tico generosity).

- When I was in training, I only had minor exposure to the “machista” or patriarchic culture that is so prevalent in Latin America (Costa Rica being no exception). Since arriving to my site, machismo punches me in the face on a regular basis, and it often takes all my energy to contain my frustration. For example, my host sister really wants to come to my exercise classes, but can’t because her husband gets home from work during class….I you are like me you might be asking, “Who the @!#$ cares?” If you are my host sister, however, you care because your husband’s dinner needs to be hot and ready the moment he gets home. When my host sister told me this was why she couldn’t come to class, all I could do was stare at her. The notion that, twice a week, this 30-year-old man could not find some other solution to eating dinner (e.g. wait an extra hour, make it himself, heat up something that she already made) left me dumbfounded. What’s even more is that I was with my host mother and other host sister, and both of them (of course) shared the “poor Warner needs his dinner so obviously Jamie can’t go” point of view. Same thing happens in the morning – she can’t walk with me and my other friend because pobrecito Warner needs to have his freakin’ breakfast. Lawd help him if anything (heaven forbid) were to happen to my host sister. Sometimes I wonder if the men here even manage to wipe themselves in the bathroom. One more quick example of my host brother’s machista ways: Just now, my abuelo was calling for my host mom (his daughter). I was in my room, and heard him, but Warner was literally right next to him, laying on the couch. Warner managed to let out a pathetic call to my host mom to let her know, but when that didn’t work he just gave up and let my abuelo continue to call her in his weak, elderly voice. Hardly able to believe what I was hearing, I emerged from my room, confirmed that this was actually happening, and asked abuelo what he needed. Unbelievable. Side note: My host Dad is super helpful around the house, which I love love love. He is so incredibly generous and treats my host mom with all the love and respect in the world. He is definitely the exception, not the rule.

- The other day, I was about to walk home from a nearby shantytown when a ferocious lightning storm emerged out of nowhere. I ducked into the house of a woman I know, seeing as bolts literally seemed to be hitting the tops of the tin roofs that surrounded me. My friend, Marta, doesn’t have enough money to pay someone to make another hole behind her house to use as a bathroom, but she still managed to bring me a bowl full of shopped up papaya in a matter of 5 minutes. I was thankful for the lightening storm, because I allowed me a full hour of nonstop conversation with her and family that would not have happened otherwise. In addition to the papaya, my hands were full with a loaf of homemade bread and ice cream from 2 others families before I made it out of the shantytown community. Although I still feel guilty when people who are struggling to survive give me (the gringa who has everything she could ever ask for) presents, I am beginning to accept the fact that pleasing other people genuinely pleases them – the fact that they are able to offer something to others breeds a sense of pride, and assurance that they are going to be alright. I am confronted by Tico generosity on multiple occasions every day, and yet it still never ceases to amaze me.

The generosity displayed by community members in the shantytown, and the machismo so beautifully demonstrated by my brother-in-law are merely two examples out of the many that catch my attention on literally a daily basis.

Today involved hiking to the top of a mountain, serious jump-roping, teaching an exercise class, and eating lots of arroz con leche with coconut cookies. Needless to say, it is time to go to sleep. Next week I’m helping Jenna run a swim camp in our town, so that should be fun…or really painful and stressfull…but interesting none the less. I’ll letcha know all about it. Send me emails, it is really depressing if I go a week without internet and then when I finally get access my only emails are from Peace Corps, Bank of America, and my mom. Thank you.